So yesterday Lee and myself were privileged enough to take over the Cyber Bullying session. With us both growing up being raised with the mentality of a martial artist we understand the 'thinkings' of not just an attacker, but of those who let themselves become a victim.
The issue of cyber bullying is becoming a bigger and bigger problem with social media growing, sadly we're seeing more and more suicides from cyber bullying because it's becoming so easy to hide behind a computer. There's no fear of confrontation, and you can remain anonymous making it easy to become an attacker.
The more we can understand and transform fear, the more we can accomplish it. This theory applies to victims of bullying. The first question a victim of harassment might ask themselves is '
why me?'.. My goal is to teach people to understand how peoples minds work and the emotions behind the fronts, because once we understand the other people, we become less intimidated by them.
The Bully Mentality
The first question I asked the class was 'What does and animal do if it's attacked?'.. It
defends itself. Defence is a natural instinct in any living being, we are built to survive.
Our main port of call when defending is attacking back, and being the one to 'throw the first punch' as such. When we think of an attacker, we can assume they must be just a bad person to want to inflict pain on another person, whether it be physical or mental. But for a human being to want to create this kind of attack on a weaker human being, they must be feeling attacked to want to defend, and when we look into the background of a bully we will find reasons behind them setting up a defence for themselves. Whether it be they're unhappy at home, they have difficult family relations or maybe they themselves are being bullied and feel that they are not strong enough to defend themselves against their own attacker. Look at the food chain, we go for the weaker animal. Why would we attack something or someone we don't think we can beat?
The Victim Mentality
You can not be a victim unless you let yourself become one. A lot of people do not realise we have this choice in life.
Being bullied can be a huge implication on someone's whole life, not just the months or years the experience it. It can change their whole way of seeing the world, the question is 'why me?' And that question can influence your the rest of your life. It's a huge confidence knock, which can have a knock on effect in the way you live.
However, I repeat, you can
NOT be a victim unless you let yourself become one. You give in to being the weaker animal, and this is the same predicament the bully will have been in, but they choose to defend themselves by looking for someone susceptible to attack to make themselves feel better. It's a mind-set.
Bullies and attackers look for the lower food chain. They choose you because they know you will give them that authority they are looking for, the empowerment to help them feel that they are not the lowest species.
The sooner we understand this, the sooner we know the victim should no longer ask the question 'why me?' but the answer 'I know it is not me, it is them that are unhappy.'
This understanding would create an automatic armour around ourselves because we would know why they were choosing us.
A good lesson we learn in martial arts is how a street attacker works. So for example an attacker looking for a woman to rape. A common thought about this is that it's always the girls with the short skirts and low cut tops being the loudest and drawing attention to themselves, this is not true! An attacker will always look for the weaker victim and someone loud and confident may fight back. They want an easy target, so it will always the quietest girl that they think is the least likely to shout for help or fight back.
So this is the concept of the bullying mentality. What makes matters more complex is the ease of cyber bullying. Cyber bullying can be a lot more isolated because it's not going on where other people can see and reach out to help you. And when a victim feels victimised it's extremely hard to be brave enough to ask for help, because you feel the lowest of the chain. You don't feel you have a right.
So when we implicate this understanding to people who might be susceptible to being the sufferer of cyber bullying, they no longer feel so alone and isolated because they understand. It makes it much easier for them to reach out for help, or even reach out for help for the bully.
Another good saying I've heard within my martial arts background is '
fake it until you make it'. In this respect it means that if you don't feel confident in what you've learnt, pretend! Act confident even if inside you might not believe it. If someone attacked you physically in the street and you turned round and shouted at them and acted ready, loud and confident you would completely throw an attacker off guard. The rabbit would turn into a lion.
You don't attack a lion.
I really enjoyed being able to share this with people yesterday because I don't think it's an obvious thing to think about when thinking of bullying. It's much easier to call someone a bad person.
Teaching the martial arts was also really fun and I hope people feel a bit safer and confident about themselves!
Remember position number one. We all hold our hands together in front of our face because we are all equal, we bow because we understand and respect each other.
So stand tall and hold your head high. Remember that people don't attack the lion. And even if this feels unnatural to you, just fake it!